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Heart
beat !
When our eyes met each other, I felt an astounding immaculacy in it, after
all this whoever observes me asks what’s wrong to me? I strive to keep the
secret as it is, but not certain to keep it longer.
She used to come in to my shop once in a day; dressed pretty well, fingering
her hairs used to give me her grocery list which I had to put in her
shopping bag, paying me she serenely went out, I couldn’t concentrate after
she had gone, didn’t understand why I have become of that kind?
It felt me that she snatched my heat carrying it in her grocery bag, wished
to take my heart back, but used to snatch it every time she came to the
shop; all this had disturbed me too much.
She didn’t haggle like the ordinary Kabuli women that I could freely had a
conversation with her, the next day I said to her “I like to have such
customers, be confident I will not trick on you.
“As I am a girl; do you like all the girls? She laughingly asked.
I said, no, I didn’t mean that, I mean other women are quarrelsome, but I
find you of a kind nature.
“You also seem quite a good person,,,, as always I have entered to your shop
I have found you reading, that’s why I don’t go to other shops, the
shopkeepers are too gossipy” She said.
I have learned that women don’t like studies but think about style and
fashion, I said.
No I am not a girl of such kind; I always try find interesting piece in
magazines and newspapers to read, she said. For the first time, I told there
is no need to pay if she was out of money, when she finished buying her
groceries.
She said no thanks just to be busy give me the old magazine and news paper
which you have red.
I gave her a dozen of news papers and magazines I had with me that made our
friendship, and used to meet so often, so we fall in love.
I made her call when she didn’t come to shop, and I took her for a long
while to a restaurant in Shar e naw before buying my shops stuff from
market.
As I loved her fashion style but they way I had grown up her styles seem to
be a little unabashed, however on her tall and fatty body the jeans seemed
gorgeous. But I wished to see her wearing thin Panjabi cloths, artificially
colored hair, with fancy slippers.
In the shop as I had used myself to read love stories, and few magazines in
which the real life sad stories appeared with illusory names, these stories
included family disputes, girls who had escaped their homes, and of sexual
assaults nature, the interesting part in this was she also liked to read
such stories in the magazines, the coincide caused us to have a long chat on
these stories.
Among one of these stories I had admired the most was like that…
“A girl whose stepfather was a gambler, alcoholic and drug addict, tries to
sexually harass his stepdaughter, but faces hard retort from the mother and
daughter, which makes him quit irate so he calls his gambler friends to
handover the innocent girl to them, her mother who had become widow in a
quite young age committed mistake to get marry with a such pessimistic man
for the sake of her young daughters to be remain modest in the society. The
girl is raped for three days constantly, in short after few days the girl
and mother reported the cast to police, which arrest the three of culprits
along with her stepfather, who were convicted for twelve years prison
spending already a year in jail”
I gave her the magazine which had published the depressing story, and
emphasized to do read the story.
This time she had come with few of her friends to the shop, I knew that was
just a show off introduction to her friends, that’s why I lengthened
chatting with them.
We gravely had accustomed of each other, so that we could heard heartbeats
of each other, but she never responded my questions about her family these
question used to speed up her heart beats more to ignore my questions, I was
gravely serious to make her partner of life but she never positively spoke
on my demand despite she was an urban girl but the way she set frowns on
her eyebrows in which she seemed a loyal lover which gave me the scenes of
affections her silence showed me the sign of acceptance.
Oh! How easy I was to realize the storm floating in her heart, I was sad not
to turn her desires into veracity, being so close how on distant I was to
her, why her sense is too grave to me?...
Provocatively one day I asked her, at a sudden she got poignant siding hair
to back, clenched her two hands together, pointing her figure at me said:
what if we believe there is always a men behind woman’s success, as we
believe that about women?
I stunned and urged to brief what she meant?
Let yourself know what do think about such men? She said.
You spoke about me I guess; do you believe I cheat you? I said to her.
“No that’s the fact which people can’t put up with to listen, you got a
shock too? She said.
No my darling, I bear witness to god I love you the most and these concerns
have turned me mad. I said.
I know you love me the most, but women are more sensitive compare to men,
even I can’t imagine our separation, she said.
I understand you can find many folks swindling girls to turn them to a wrong
way, but I am not of this type, I promise I will never let you alone and
abandon, listening to that she wept, I looked around the guests in the
restaurant, judging not anyone around is observing us, I held her hands and
spoke to her she then wiped her tears with a tissue paper and managed
herself to ask: “ would you love me not being aware of my family background?
What are you saying darling, don’t raise such questions, to tell you the
truth, you are my business not your family, I am sure it would be better
than mine, but last words I said in my heart.
I don’t want you to take me wrong and tell you the true story of life. She
said
Yeah that’s I want you to tell me what are the problems? What are your
feelings? And what your family thinks about me? So that I can propose you.
She said, I am afraid I have a secret with me, which I will reveal on a
condition that my heart would not be broken.
I am quite moderate not conservative, I seek to own you; I don’t care what
people and families have comments then.
Can’t make out why I labeled myself a moderate; that I think was the
impression of reading a different types of magazines, in these magazines
there were many of sad stories I had red, I assumed she was going to narrate
her story from these stories, engaged in a quite young age? Parents are not
letting her to her own wishes? May be deceived by somebody else? These
wicked thoughts were hitting my mind.
I said I am ready to here please tell me what you have.
While talking, she took out her mobile phone, without hearing the phone bell
she surprisingly started to talk; finishing talk she was too terrified to
speak and said her mother has laid up and been admitted to hospital, and
walked out, I tried to stop her,,, but she left not averting back, folks
around might had thought a girl friend got annoyed,
The topic getting together as life partners stuck way, my excitement to
explore her personal life faded away.
Till evening numerous ideas hitting my mind, knew that anyone get his goals
upbeats then, also didn’t know what her parents set my image in mind, would
they admit me or not?
Sitting with such ideas, at a sudden a bell rung in to my mobile phone,
apparently which was her cell number, pressing ok button, heard a weeping
voice, saying my leaving restaurant was merely pretence,
I couldn’t tell you in person, me and my family is ready to accept you, she
said.
“But what’s wrong why do you weep? I asked
She started, “I remind you the horrific story you had red of an ill fated
girl, whose stepfather had handed her over to his monster associates, she
wasn’t someone else but me!!!
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